From Loneliness to Gratitude: Recognizing a Million Supports
Do you feel lonely? In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory urged Americans to confront the alarming epidemic of loneliness and social isolation, spotlighting its profound impact on both individual and societal health. According to the Advisory, “In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness” (p. 4). It also revealed that loneliness “is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day” (p. 4). Sobering, isn’t it?
The Advisory defines loneliness as “a subjective distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections” (p. 7). Being a subjective experience, it affects individuals in deeply personal ways. Different circumstances—whether between different people or even the same individual at various stages of life—shape how connections are perceived. While technology has made communication easier than ever, reports of declining meaningful relationships leave us scratching our heads. Don’t the “friends” and “connections” on social media count for something?
In my youth, I experienced my own share of loneliness, especially during tumultuous family conflicts. My siblings were away pursuing their education, my parents and grandparents were engrossed in their disagreements, and I didn’t feel at ease sharing these struggles with friends or outsiders. I also recall a relative who revealed that, despite daily FaceTime calls with family and living with close relatives while studying abroad, he felt profoundly lonely. Even among seemingly connected lives, loneliness lingers. Like the couple I once observed at a restaurant who, instead of engaging with each other, spent the entirety of their meal glued to their phones.
My experience with loneliness evolved as I spent more time as a therapist. For years, especially after the COVID-19 outbreak and leaving my on-site position, my in-person contacts with friends, colleagues, and family became rather limited. Social media isn’t a big part of my routine either—no Facebook, no Instagram. Despite this, I found myself feeling far from lonely. Instead, I discovered a profound sense of connection and support in unexpected ways.
This newfound resilience stems, in part, from teaching clients Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. One specific exercise from Dr. Linehan’s Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (1993) invites individuals to connect with their surroundings. The exercise highlights life’s subtle yet powerful supports: the chair preventing you from falling, the sheets keeping you warm, and the walls shielding you from the elements. It’s a practice that helped me realize the innumerable people and systems that contribute to my safety, comfort, and well-being. It’s a profound reminder that even in seeming solitude, I am supported and connected in a million ways. Moreover, I am a part of the million supports.
When I embraced these “million supports,” loneliness lost its grip on me. Isn’t it worth pausing to appreciate these often-overlooked blessings in life?